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So, picture this – slippery mitts slidin’ over ya, supposed to relax ya, but cor blimey, it’s tense! Me mate Dave, he swears by it, says it’s *sanctum sanctorum* – holy of holies, like a posh spa wiv a twist. I tried it once, right? In Clapham, dodgy parlour, neon sign flickerin’ like a drunk winkin’. Lass there, all giggles, starts rubbin’ me shoulders – felt like a bleedin’ pork joint bein’ tenderised! “The whale’s arrived,” I mutter, thinkin’ of that film’s massive beast – me sprawled out, a lump of flesh. Made me chuckle, then bloody hell, she digs in – ow! – nearly leapt off the table.

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BDSM; Full Body Sensual Massage; Blowjob without Condom for extra charge; Pornstar Experience (PSE); Classic Sex; Titjob; Rimming (take); Tantric massage.

But then, I hear a loud crash! I rush over to the front desk. Some dude knocked over a whole shelf of books! I’m like, “Seriously, man?!” I’m trying to help him pick them up, but he’s just standing there, looking lost. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not rocket science!”

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