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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, chaotic as hell, comin’ at ya like a Forester tryna chop down some sex-dating bullshit! Sex-dating, man, it’s wild—like, you swipe right, boom, next thing ya know, ya balls deep in chaos, screamin’, “Why so serious?!” like Heath Ledger in *The Dark Knight*. That’s my jam, yo—best movie ever, hands down. Nolan’s a genius, and I’m out here tryna figure out if sex-dating’s a hero or a villain in my damn life.

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After gelato, we decide to hit up the arcade on Via Catania. I’m ready to dominate! We play some racing game, and I’m feeling like a champ. But then, I crash. Hard. My buddy’s laughing so hard, he almost spills his drink. I’m like, “Shut up! It’s just a game!” But inside, I’m dying.

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