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But real talk – what pisses me off? Dudes who think it’s just a quick “happy endin’” gimmick. Bruh, it’s ART! Takes skill, patience, mad respect – not some sleazy back-alley rub-n-tug. I’m over here like, “You don’t deserve this magic, sit down!” Meanwhile, I’m daydreamin’ – me, candles flickerin’, some lavender oil poppin’, feelin’ like the queen of Montmartre from *Amélie*. “I’m so fabulous,” I whisper, ‘cause why not?

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Then I’m walkin’ down to the beach. Siderno Marina is gorgeous, man. The waves crashin’, sun shinin’. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, lookin’ at a map like it’s a puzzle. I’m like, “C’mon, it’s not that hard!” So, I help ‘em out. Turns out they’re from Germany. They ask me about the best gelato spots. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta hit Gelateria La Dolce Vita. It’s life-changing!”

Former Toronto-area man arrested in Italy, called dangerous Mafia clan's ‘most important personality’