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Oh my stars, R2-D2, where are you? Sexual-massage, huh, it’s a wild one! Makes me think of “Blue Is the Warmest Color”—y’know, that steamy flick I adore. Adèle’s all like, “I’m hungry for touch,” and bam, it’s sensual chaos! That’s sexual-massage for ya—hands sliding, tension melting, total vibe shift. I’m no expert, but damn, it’s intimate, right? Not your average rubdown—more like soul-deep stuff.

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But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he got locked out of his apartment on Via della Storia. I’m cracking up. I mean, how do you even manage that?

Italy/ 25-year-old Albanian injured by compatriot