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But here’s the kicker—I’m lyin’ there, right, and she’s whisperin’, “Relax, relax,” and I’m like, “Lady, I can’t! You’re too close!” It’s like that line from the movie, “You’re not afraid, are you?”—but I AM! I’m sweatin’, heart’s racin’, and not in a sexy way, more like I’m gonna bolt! And the oil—she used too much! I’m slippin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig! Total disaster! I’m yellin’, “Why’s it so slippery?!” She’s calm, I’m a mess—classic Larry David chaos.

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Wow, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my little room on Via Roma, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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