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About Milan

So, picture me, gettin’ one—some underground joint, 2022, Shanghai vibes. Masseuse was a ninja, silent, hands like freakin’ servomotors. Little known fact: ancient China had these “qi-release” rubs—emperors got off on it, kept it hush-hush. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is peak human engineering!” Oils slicker than SpaceX lube, smellin’ like lust and lavender. She’s hittin’ nodes I didn’t know existed—nervous system’s like, “Whoa, rebooting!” Made me happy as hell, like landin’ a Falcon 9.

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So, I’m wandering around, and I bump into this little market on Via della Libertà. Fresh veggies, handmade stuff, and I’m like a kid in a candy store. I grab some local cheese and bread. I’m ready for a picnic! But then, I see this old lady selling these weird-looking olives. I’m curious, right? I ask her about them, and she starts telling me this long story about how they’re from some ancient tree. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I just wanted to know if they’re good.”

In Pictures: Moving tribute to WW1 soldiers lost at sea off Islay