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Now, I’ve had me share – this one bird in Bangkok, hands like a bleedin’ ninja, had me shook! Felt like she was huntin’ my stress, “one kill at a time,” as they say in the flick. But then, there was this dodgy spa in London – mate, the oil smelled like a wet dog, and the vibe? Stiffer than M after a botched mission. Pissed me right off, wanted to quip, “I prefer my massages less canine, ta!”

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After that, I decide to check out the local market on Via dei Fiori. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all the local goodies. I’m in heaven! I grab some figs and they’re so sweet, I could cry. But then, I overhear this guy arguing with a vendor about prices. Like, dude, it’s a market! Chill out!

Man charged with threatening, unlawful restraint