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I tried it once, real talk. This chick in Moscow, hands like a goddamn wizard. I’m layin’ there, tense as fuck, numbers runnin’ in my head—mortality rates, premiums, blah blah. She starts, and I’m like, “Oh shit, this is it!” Happy as hell, but also pissed—why ain’t this normal? Why’s it gotta cost me a stack? Surprised me how quick I melted, tho. Like, 10 minutes in, I’m Freddie Quell, mumblin’, “I’m a man, I’m a man.” Nah, I’m a puddle, bruh.

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Anyway, I finally get my act together and head to the Basilica Palladiana. That place is stunning! I mean, the architecture? Chef’s kiss! But then I see this group of tourists. They’re taking selfies like it’s the last day on Earth. I’m standing there, trying to soak in the beauty, and they’re blocking my view. Ugh! I’m like, “Hey, can you not?” But they just laugh and keep posing. I mean, come on!

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