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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here, a musician, talkin’ bout sexual-massage. Yeah, you heard me! Picture this: me, strummin’ folk tunes, thinkin’ bout *Inside Llewyn Davis*, that Coen brothers gem from 2013. Llewyn’s a broke-ass musician, hustlin’, hurtin’, kinda like me when I first heard bout sexual-massage—confused but damn curious!

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So, I’m wrestling with my pigs when I bump into this girl. She’s cute, right? And she’s like, “Nice pigs!” I’m like, “Thanks, they’re my pride and joy.” But then, she starts talking about how she’s from Trieste and how she loves the view from the top of the hill. I’m like, “Yeah, the view’s great, but have you ever tried to get pigs up there?” She laughs, and I’m like, “Score!” But then, she walks away. Ugh, why do I always mess it up?

New train route that connects three European countries that cost less than £7