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I reckon it’s old as dirt—heard tell them ancient Greeks was slidin’ oily hands all over each other, callin’ it “therapeia” or some junk. Bet they didn’t tell their mamas ‘bout that! Makes me happy as a hog in slop, thinkin’ how folks been gittin’ frisky forever. But dang, it ticks me off when some uppity jerk says it’s “low-class”—buddy, you ain’t lived ‘til you felt that heat! Git-R-Done!

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Finally, I get to the meeting spot, this cute little café on Piazza Garibaldi. I’m all pumped to talk about crop rotations and soil health. But guess what? The farmers are late. Classic! I order a cappuccino, and it’s like the universe is laughing at me. The barista spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

‘Forever chemicals’ come under fire in Italy