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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and some dude on a scooter just wiped out. I mean, he went down hard. His gelato? All over the pavement. I felt bad, but also kinda laughed. Like, bro, you gotta watch where you’re going! But hey, at least he wasn’t hurt. Just his pride and a whole lotta gelato.

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