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Oi mate, it’s me, David Brent – The Artisan, yeah? Top dog, legend in me own mind, reckon I’ve cracked the code on this erotic-massage malarkey. Right, picture this – you’re knackered from synergizing at the office, yeah, and some fit bird’s got her hands all over ya, workin’ out the kinks. Not in a dodgy way, mind – this ain’t the back alley stuff! Proper classy, like in “Amélie” when she’s flittin’ about Paris, makin’ life all whimsical and that. “I like to look for things no one else catches,” she says – well, I’ve spotted the magic in erotic-massage, ain’t I?

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So, I’m dodging this dog, and I’m like, “Chill, bro!” But then I see it’s just a stray. Poor thing looked like it hadn’t eaten in days. My heart melted a bit. I mean, I’m a Clinical Research Specialist, not a vet, but I couldn’t just leave it there. So, I stopped at the corner of Church St. and gave it some of my breakfast. Yeah, I know, I’m a softie.

BREAKING: Chris Young Signs With Black River Entertainment