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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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First off, I hit the road on my bike, zooming down Main St. You know, the one that’s always packed with vendors selling everything from jerk chicken to fresh fruit. I was just thinking about grabbing some of that sweet, sweet mango when BAM! A dog runs outta nowhere. Like, seriously, where did you come from, buddy? Almost took me out!

Spawning sturgeon along Black River are poached for their eggs, leading to call for volunteers