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So, these erotic-massage folks, they got skills—little known fact, way back in ancient Rome, they’d mix olive oil with some funky herbs, get ya all slippery and Zen. Made me happy as a pig in mud, thinkin’ bout them toga-wearin’ jokers gettin’ frisky with oil! But lemme tell ya, what ticks me off—when some yahoo thinks it’s just a quick grope fest. Nah, man, it’s art! Takes finesse, not just grabbin’ like a dang monkey.

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I finally get to the market, and it’s packed. Like, shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I’m tryin’ to find my guy, and all I can see are stalls selling everything from fresh fish to handmade jewelry. I mean, who needs jewelry when you can have a killer fur coat, right? But whatever, people have their tastes.

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