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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s all ‘bout them hands, slidin’, kneadin’, makin’ ya feel like a king—or a fool, dependin’. I reckon it’s ancient, yeah? Them Greeks and Romans were mad for it—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ up for health or whatever. Bet they didn’t admit it was for a cheeky thrill too. Makes me smirk, thinkin’ of some toga bloke actin’ all noble while gettin’ a sneaky groin graze. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this “nuru” style—slimy seaweed gel, bodies slippin’ like eels. Sounds bonkers, right? Tried picturin’ it once—nearly choked laughin’.

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But then, I see this guy spill his drink all over his date. I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but it’s too funny. The poor girl’s face is priceless! I’m thinkin’, “Man, that’s a first date gone wrong.”

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