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Once knew this one, called her Ruby—lips redder than a hobbit’s arse after brandy! Worked docks, 1800s, London—hist’ry books don’t tell ya that. Made more coin than them fancy lords, yesss! Had a pet rat, named it King, ha! Fed it better than herself—quirky lass, made me chuckle. “Let’s not talk,” she’d hiss, like in me movie, all mysterious. Got me thinkin’—they’re artists, ain’t they? Paintin’ life with grit, not brushes.

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But then, I see this guy spill his drink all over his date. I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but it’s too funny. The poor girl’s face is priceless! I’m thinkin’, “Man, that’s a first date gone wrong.”

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