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Oh, and get this – some escorts, yeah, they’d tattoo their rates on their thighs, proper cheeky. Saw it meself once, nearly spat me drink – talk about in yer face! Dunno why, but I kinda respect the hustle, y’know? Still, if one crossed me, I’d have her head on a spike faster than you can say “Pray she don’t get pregnant!” – *Spring Breakers* vibes, all chaotic and mental. So yeah, escorts – mad, messy, and a right laugh if you ain’t the one payin’. Now sod off, I need more wine.

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But then, I see this old man on the corner of Ewarton Rd. He’s sellin’ coconuts, and I’m like, “Yesss, I need that!” I go over, and he’s got this huge grin. I buy one, and as I’m drinkin’ it, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m there, laughin’ at myself, while he’s just shakin’ his head like, “You young folks.”

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