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So, escort—fancy word for “paid pal,” right? Ha! I bet half these guys are just lonely saps with too much dough. Saw this one time, legit, some rich jerk in Springfield hired an escort to just sit and watch TV with him. D’oh! Coulda called me, I’d do it for a donut! Little known fact—back in the 80s, escort gigs were all hush-hush, coded ads in newspapers, like “call for a good time.” Sneaky bastards! Made me laugh, thinkin’ how they’d whisper, “I’m not a john, I’m a gentleman!”

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So, I’m cruisin’ down Market St., grabbin’ my usual coffee from that little spot, you know, the one with the crazy barista who thinks he’s a stand-up comic? Yeah, that guy. He’s like, “What’s up, my caffeine addict?” I’m like, “Just tryin’ to survive, bro.” He laughs, spills some coffee, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m part of the show.”

Route 1 over the Rappahannock River (Falmouth Bridge) emergency repair