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But what pisses me off? These snooty spas chargin’ 200 bucks for a “sensual touch” sesh—screw that! I could get a burger and a shake for ten bucks and feel better! And don’t get me started on the weirdos who think it’s “art”—it’s sweaty palms on yer ass, not Picasso, dumbass! RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, I’m the expert here!

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After that, I head over to Oak St. to check out a suspicious claim. This dude says he slipped on a banana peel. A banana peel! I’m not even kidding. I’m thinking, “Is this a cartoon or real life?” I get there, and the guy’s sitting on his porch, looking all smug. I ask him about it, and he’s like, “Yeah, it was a slippery one.” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who even has banana peels lying around?

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