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Alright, listen up, my friend! I’m Gandalf, the Grey, wise as hell, and I’ve got thoughts on this sexual-massage thing. You shall not pass without hearin’ me out! So, sexual-massage – it’s wild, right? Hands slippin’ and slidin’, all sensual-like, mixin’ pleasure with that deep-tissue vibe. I reckon it’s like when Malik in *A Prophet* – my fave flick, 2009, Jacques Audiard, pure genius – says, “I’m not alone in my head.” That’s it, mate! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ – it’s a bloody mind trip too!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Where are you?” he texts. I’m like, “Dude, power’s out!” I can almost hear him roll his eyes. So, I rush back to the office, and guess what? The lights are back on! Finally!

Michael E. "Bumstead" Linstead Obituary (2023) - Frankfort, IL - Kurtz Memorial Chapel - New Lenox