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But yo, it pisses me off sometimes—these clowns on apps, lyin’ bout height, dick size, all that. I’m sittin’ here like, “Be *you*, fam!”—like Linguini tryna fake it ‘til he makes it, but nah, be real! Ghostin’ too—had this chick dip on me mid-chat, no warning, like, what?! Made me wanna yell, “I’m a genius, respect the art!”—but I just swiped again, ha! Keep it movin’, that’s the game.

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So I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to catch my breath, when I see this old lady on the bench. She’s got this huge smile, like she just won the lottery. I’m thinkin’, “What’s her secret?” Turns out, she was just happy to see the sun. I mean, who wouldn’t be? But it made me feel all warm inside.

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