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Alright, listen up, you filthy lot—me, Cersei Lannister, prison warden of this stinking hellhole, I’ve got thoughts on erotic-massage, and they’re dripping with cold disdain. I choose violence, always, but this—this slimy little art’s got its claws in me. Picture it: hands sliding over flesh, slow, deliberate, like that damn movie I adore, *In the Mood for Love*. “I can’t see you tonight,” Tony Leung whispers, all moody and repressed, and that’s the vibe—erotic-massage teases, never gives it all. Drives me mad, and I LOVE it.

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, right? And I’m thinkin’, “Today’s the day!” Got a big pitch for a local hotel. They want somethin’ fresh, somethin’ that screams “Jamaica!” But first, I gotta deal with the chaos of the streets.

How I Took My Family of 3 on an Epic 3-week Vacation in Jamaica for About $4,000 — Including Flights