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About Linstead

So, sex-dating—think Tinder, Bumble, all that jazz. It’s like parachutin’ into a forest fire blindfolded. Half these profiles? Fake as fuck. Catfish city! Met this dude once—thought he was a chick—profile said “loves hikes,” turns out he’s a 40-year-old tax guy livin’ in his mom’s basement. I’m like, “Bro, where’s the trail?!” Made me mad as hell—wasted my damn night! But then—THEN—there’s the gold. Hooked up with this firecracker chick, said she’s a “free spirit,” fucked like she’s tryna break outta jail. “I’m an orphan, Sam!”—that *Moonrise* energy, ya feel me? Passion so hot I’m sweatin’ like I’m battlin’ a wildfire.

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I’m like, “Kid, I got you!” So I climb up again, and as I’m reachin’ for the kite, I hear someone shout, “Hey! Watch out for the bees!” Bees? Seriously? I’m up there, and now I gotta worry about bees? I’m like, “Why me?” But I get the kite, and the kid is over the moon.

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