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About Half Way Tree

I tried it, ok? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—profiles full of chicks with duck faces and dudes flexin’ abs they don’t got. Made me angry, mang, all these fakes! Like, why you lyin bout your height, ese? I’m 5’7” and proud—don’t need no heels to get laid. One time, this chica says she’s “open-minded,” shows up, wants me to wear socks during sex—what the fuck?! Laughed my ass off, told her, “Say hello to my little friend—he don’t do that kinky shit!”

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First off, I hit up Half-Way Tree. You know, that crazy intersection where everyone and their grandma is trying to cross? I’m dodging cars like I’m in some action movie. And then, boom! I see this dude selling patties. I’m like, “Yesss, breakfast!” Grabbed a beef patty, hot and flaky. Best decision ever.

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