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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sex-dating, straight from the gut. Sex-dating’s wild, messy, real—like life in *Boyhood*, growin’ up fast, no script, just raw. You swipe, you chat, you hookup—bam! It’s instant, like Ellar Coltrane goin’ from kid to man in two hours. No billionaires controllin’ it, just regular folks lookin’ for somethin’—love, lust, whatever!

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After that drama, things got a lil’ better. A group of tourists from Canada rolls in. They’re loud, laughin’, and just livin’ their best life. They order a round of everything. I’m talkin’ rum punch, mojitos, you name it. I’m mixin’ like a mad scientist, and they’re lovin’ it. One guy, Tim, even starts singin’ “No Woman, No Cry.” I’m like, “Bro, you’re killin’ it!”

Ocho Rios clean-up day: Community unites to restore civic pride ahead of winter tourist season