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What gets me happy? When it clicks fast—bam, date set, no faffin’ about. Angry? Flakes! Sayin’ they’re keen, then ghostin’—makes me wanna smash somethin’. “You don’t betray me!” I’d hiss, like Carlos to his crew. Funny bit—once matched a lass who sent a pic of her cat first, not her face. “Is this a revolution or a bloody pet show?” I cackled. She was fit, tho, so I let it slide.

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After that drama, things got a lil’ better. A group of tourists from Canada rolls in. They’re loud, laughin’, and just livin’ their best life. They order a round of everything. I’m talkin’ rum punch, mojitos, you name it. I’m mixin’ like a mad scientist, and they’re lovin’ it. One guy, Tim, even starts singin’ “No Woman, No Cry.” I’m like, “Bro, you’re killin’ it!”

Fire contained at Turtle Beach Towers Apartment in Ocho Rios