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And the places doin’ this now—shady, man! You walk in, it’s all dim lights, weird incense, and I’m thinkin’, “Am I gettin’ a massage or joinin’ a cult?” Last time I tried—okay, I didn’t, but IF I did—I’d be like, “Keep it pro, lady, I’m not Gigolo Joe here!” Y’know, that slick robot from the movie? “I know what the ladies like”—ha! I’d be the opposite, all twitchy, “Don’t know what I like! Stop guessin’!” Pretty, pretty bad vibes, I’d say.

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First off, I hit the road on Main St. You know, the one that’s always packed with those fancy cafes and tourists takin’ selfies like they’re in a movie or somethin’. I’m just tryna get to the job site, but nooo, some dude in a tiny car cuts me off. Like, bro, you see this big ol’ tractor? You think you can just squeeze in? I honked, of course. Gave him the ol’ tractor salute. You know, the finger.

Boxing Day opening for Ellington’s ‘Bad Influence’