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So, picture this – I’m David Brent, yeah, king of the cringe, struttin’ into the office goin’, “Team, let’s synergise our core competencies and get massaged, yeah?” Imagine the lads’ faces! I’d be buzzin’, proper chuffed, cos a good erotic-massage sorts ya right out – stress gone, productivity up, it’s a win-win, fam! But nah, some muppet’s always like, “That’s a bit saucy, Brent,” and I’m fumin’, cos they don’t get it – it’s art, mate, not just a quick fumble.

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Finally, we make a break for it. I’m draggin’ him down the street, past the old church on the corner of East Street. I’m thinkin’, “Man, this is not how I pictured my day.” But then, I see a little kid sellin’ handmade bracelets. He’s got this huge smile, and I can’t help but grin back.

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