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Hate the hype, tho. People whisperin’ ‘bout it like it’s sacred—makes me wanna puke. “We lack the original,” *Holy Motors* guy moans, and yeah, this ain’t original, just horny folks with cash. Tried it once, ‘cause Tammy 2 dared me—dude’s hands were like sandpaper, smelled like patchouli, ugh, rage quit after five minutes. Happy? Hell no, felt like a greased pig at a fair.

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After that drama, I decided to take a stroll down to the beach. You know, the one by Hellshire? The sun was blazing, and the water looked inviting. But as I got closer, I saw a bunch of kids playing football. They were good, man! I mean, I was impressed. But then, one of them kicked the ball too hard, and it went straight into the water. I was like, “Y’all better go get that!” But they just laughed and kept playing. Kids these days, right?

Portmore man before court for alleged fake driver's licence