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I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout Amélie—y’know, my fave flick—where she’s all “the world’s a playground, darlin’!” Sexual-massage? It’s that vibe! It’s intimate, sneaky-like, but classy if ya do it right. Little factoid for ya: back in ancient China, them emperors had “jade maidens” givin’ rubdowns to boost their chi—fancy, huh? Makes me happy as a pig in mud, knowin’ folks been gettin’ frisky with massages forever.

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Then I hit the road, heading down to the main square. Traffic was mad! Like, Portmore traffic is a whole mood. Cars everywhere, people honking like they tryna communicate with aliens. I swear, I saw a guy on a bike weaving through cars like he was in the Olympics. I was impressed, but also like, “Bro, you tryna get yourself killed?”

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