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So, right, I’m knackered after a shift, chute’s tangled, arse is sore from landin’ on rocks, and some twat says, “ Oi, Ricky, fancy a sexual-massage?” I’m like, “What, you takin’ the piss? I’d rather wrestle a forest fire blindfolded!” But—hear me out—it’s not all bollocks. Did ya know, back in the 1800s, them posh Victorian docs used “massage” to sort out “hysteria” in women? Yeah, mate, vibrators came from that—fuckin’ wild, innit? True story, google it, I ain’t lyin’!
A tourist stumbles upon some filthy action in Budapest.
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But then, I see this couple having a picnic. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m just standing there, feeling like a third wheel. I mean, come on! I’m a combine harvester, not a matchmaker!
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