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Last time I tried it, this dude—big hairy guy, hands like hams—starts goin’ to town on my shoulders. “You’re so tense,” he says. No shit, pal, I hate everything! Felt like he was tryna seduce me with his kneadin’. Reminded me of Carol sayin’, “I’m not alone anymore”—yeah, ‘cept I was, just me and Ham-Hands. Made me madder than a badger in a trap. But—dammit—the knots in my back? Gone. Hated that it worked, hated it!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, I’m talkin’ torrential downpour. I dash into a nearby shop on the corner of Runaway Bay Rd. and the beach. It’s a cute little boutique, but I’m soaked. I’m lookin’ like a drowned rat. The shop owner, this sweet lady, hands me a towel and says, “Welcome to Jamaica, mon!” I laugh, but inside I’m like, “Yeah, thanks for the warm welcome, lady.”

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