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Oh, and get this—some places, they use hot stones and shit. Hot stones! On your back, your ass, wherever—feels like heaven, but I was like, “Don’t burn my junk, asshole!” Surprised the hell outta me how good it was. Reminds me of *Almost Famous*, when Russell yells, “I am a golden god!”—that’s me, screamin’ it while some chick’s hands are slippin’ everywhere. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares, it’s MY story!

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Finally, I get to Carlos’s place. His car? A total wreck. I mean, it looked like it had been through a demolition derby. I pop the hood, and it’s like a horror show in there. I’m talking wires everywhere, oil leaks, the whole shebang. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “How the heck am I gonna fix this?”

Rhythmically trained sea lion returns for an encore—and performs as well as humans