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Wawaweewa! Me, Borat, tell you bout erotic-massage, very nice! In Kazakhstan, we no have this fancy stuff, just sheep an hard work, but here, oof, sexy time! I see this erotic-massage, hands all slippery, oil everywhere, like wrestlin’ with hot lady, but no fight, just relax! Very nice! Remind me of *Moonrise Kingdom*, you know, my best movie—Wes Anderson, 2012, so good! That scene, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing,” like me tryna figure out this massage biz! First time I go, lady say, “Take off pant,” I think, wot?! In my country, pant off mean big trouble, but here, it’s normal! I laugh, so crazy!

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But then, I saw something that made my blood boil. Some tourists were littering! I mean, c’mon! This is our home! I marched over, gave them a piece of my mind. “You can’t just throw your trash here!” They looked at me like I was crazy. But I didn’t care. I was passionate!

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