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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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After the rain, the sun came out, and everything looked fresh. I decided to head to the local bar on the corner of Stony Hill and Newlands. Needed a drink to wash away the day’s madness. I ordered a Red Stripe, and man, it hit the spot. I started chatting with the bartender, who was super chill. We talked about the best jerk chicken spots in town. He swore by this place on the other side of Stony Hill. I gotta check it out.

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