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About Spanish Town

Sex-dating’s a freakin’ circus, mates. Apps like Bumble, Hinge—gods, even FetLife if you’re nasty—turn us into horny little puppets. I love it! The thrill of a match, that ping on my phone, it’s like “How happy you were,” from *Eternal Sunshine*. But then—BOOM—half these dates flop harder than Thor’s hammer on a bad day. One time, this Midgardian chick showed up, all “let’s bone,” then spent two hours yapping about her ex. Mate, I wanted sex, not a therapy sesh! Made me wanna scream, “I’d rather erase you than listen!”

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After what felt like an eternity, I’m outta there. I head to the Yallahs Community Centre. Gotta meet some clients. They’re all chillin’ there, talkin’ about the latest football match. I’m like, “Guys, focus! We got numbers to crunch!” But they’re too busy arguing about who’s the best player. I just roll my eyes.

Last lap of summer school sacrifice for Yallahs schoolboy hero