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But it ain’t all funny - pisses me off when these rich assholes treat escorts like dirt, barkin orders, “Faster, you idiot!” Tony said he nearly punched the dude, but money’s money, right? Surprised me how deep it goes - didya know escort’s been around forever? Back in the 1800s, stagecoaches had armed riders, gunslingers basically, keepin bandits off the gold. Same shit now, just fancier wheels.

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After that, I head over to Oak St. to check out a suspicious claim. This dude says he slipped on a banana peel. A banana peel! I’m not even kidding. I’m thinking, “Is this a cartoon or real life?” I get there, and the guy’s sitting on his porch, looking all smug. I ask him about it, and he’s like, “Yeah, it was a slippery one.” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who even has banana peels lying around?

Meg Hayes | Student Commencement Speaker