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Like, I matched this chick once—total smokeshow, right? Bio says “loves deep talks”—I’m thinkin’, “Oh, like Uncle Boonmee vibes!” You know, “The past is a distant echo,” all that trippy jazz. We chat, I’m droppin’ poetry—bam, she ghosts! What the hell? I’m yellin’ at my phone—“Gimme a sign, universe!” Nothin’. Just me, cows, and blue balls.

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So, I head back in, ready to tackle the rest of the day. But guess what? The power goes out! Just like that. I’m standin’ there, meat in hand, like a deer in headlights. No lights, no fans, just me and the meat. I’m thinkin’, “This is it. I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Mandeville bans parking along Krewe of Eve parade route, safety enhancements