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Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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Next, I decided to chill at the park on Stony Hill Rd. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Trees everywhere, kids playing. I plopped down on a bench, trying to forget about the ex drama. But then, this group of kids started playing football right in front of me. They were loud, but it was kinda funny. One kid kicked the ball too hard, and it went flying into a nearby bush. I laughed so hard, I almost spilled my drink.

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