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Last week, I tried it—sketchy parlor downtown. Neon sign blinkin “Massage,” but ya know it’s more. Walked in, smellin like lavender and bad decisions. Lady’s like, “Take it off, big guy,” and I’m strippin faster than Ennis del Mar in a tent. “I can’t quit you,” I mutter, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t hear. She starts, hands strong as hell—lumberjack approved. Then it gets weird—good weird. Fingers dancin near my ass, I’m like, “Oi, that’s new!” Felt like choppin wood but backwards—relief, not work. Got me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d I wait so long?

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After that, I’m feelin’ good, so I head over to the Daito shopping street. It’s buzzing with life. Street food everywhere! Takoyaki, yakitori, you name it. I grab some takoyaki, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, I spill some sauce on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking food disaster.

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