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I’m no expert, but lemme tell ya—hands roamin, slow n steady, it’s fuckin art. Little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “energy play”—some Taoist shit. Not just rubbin one out, nah, it’s bout balancin your chi or whatever. Sounds dope, right? Got me all hyped when I read that—like, who knew horny could be spiritual?

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After what feels like an eternity, we finally catch it. The kid is over the moon. I’m just relieved. I’m thinking, “I’m not cut out for this cat rescue stuff.” We head back to the library, and I’m ready for a break.

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