Rebecca Hofu Sexual Massage ❤️

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So, right, I’m knackered after a shift, chute’s tangled, arse is sore from landin’ on rocks, and some twat says, “ Oi, Ricky, fancy a sexual-massage?” I’m like, “What, you takin’ the piss? I’d rather wrestle a forest fire blindfolded!” But—hear me out—it’s not all bollocks. Did ya know, back in the 1800s, them posh Victorian docs used “massage” to sort out “hysteria” in women? Yeah, mate, vibrators came from that—fuckin’ wild, innit? True story, google it, I ain’t lyin’!

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Meet me at the Hofu Sports Park.” I’m thinkin’, “Great, more walking.” But whatever, I’m game. I get there, and he’s playin’ soccer with some friends. I join in, and man, I’m terrible! I kick the ball, and it goes straight into the bushes. Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.” Classic me, right?

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