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Meet her in this dingy motel, smells like regret and cheap beer. She walks in, all sass, and I’m like, “Whoa, she’s real!” Kinda surprised me, thought I’d get catfished or some shit. “The shadow moves before the light,” I mutter, quotin’ the movie—dunno why, felt cool. She’s lookin’ at me like I’m nuts. Eat my shorts, Candy, I’m cultured!

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kameido Street. Gotta love those onigiri, right? I grabbed a couple, and as I was munching, I noticed this old dude staring at me. Like, bro, I’m just trying to enjoy my breakfast! I mean, it’s not like I’m wearing a neon sign saying “Look at me!” But whatever, I shrugged it off.

Japan to Open "Sylvanian Families" Theme Park