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Me? I’d be pissed if Homer tried it. Hmm… that lazy lug, stumblin into some dive bar, thinkin he’s slick. I’d yell, “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!” He’d just burp and ignore me. Typical. But seriously, ya gotta watch out – some girls out there? They’ll rob ya blind faster than the Joker hittin a bank. One story I heard, this guy in Vegas got his wallet snatched mid-“fun.” Left him broke, cryin, “This city deserves a better class of criminal!” Hilarious, but damn, that’s cold.

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After that, I’m off to check out this sick old ginkgo tree on Kuroki Street. It’s massive, like a giant green umbrella. But guess what? Some jerk decided to carve their initials into it. I’m fuming! Like, who does that? I’m ready to go full-on tree vigilante. I take a pic for evidence, and I’m like, “You’re going down, tree vandal!”

Suspect found with dead teen in car met her on dating app