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Ever hear ‘bout that guy—uh, what’s-his-name—got caught runnin’ a sexual-massage ring? Cops busted in, he’s all, “Call it what you will!” Straight outta the movie! Me? I’d never snitch—too busy floatin’ on cloud nine. Sarcasm alert: yeah, ‘cause I’m a classy gent, right? Ha! Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But that chick’s hands? Magic. Pure magic. Made me yell, “Woo-hoo!” louder than a shotgun blast.

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So, I’m out there, minding my own business, when I hear this loud crash. I’m like, “What the heck?” I turn around, and there’s this dude on a bike, totally wiped out. I mean, he’s sprawled out like a starfish. I rush over, thinking, “Is he okay?” Turns out, he’s just embarrassed. Classic. He gets up, brushes himself off, and starts laughing. I’m like, “Dude, you just ate pavement!” But hey, at least he’s got a sense of humor.