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Little fact for ya—didja know in ancient Rome, they’d do these massages with, like, rose petals and stuff? Freakin’ fancy, right? Prolly smelled like my Aunt Rose’s perfume—gagged me every Passover! But here’s the tea—erotic-massage ain’t just foreplay, nah, it’s legit therapy too! Relaxes ya muscles, gets the blood pumpin’—like, I was so zen after, I coulda floated like Haku over that river!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Kan-onjicho Park. It’s this beautiful spot with cherry blossoms and a pond. I thought, “Hey, let’s chill for a sec.” But nope! Some kids were playing soccer, and one of them kicked the ball right at me. I dodged it like a ninja, but then I tripped over my own feet. Classic me, right?