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Oh, and the risks? Lord have mercy, STDs are no joke! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout bacteria—chlamydia, gonorrhea, nasty lil’ bugs. Makes my skin crawl worse’n a bad perm! Y’all, I’d rather wrestle a pig in mud than mess with that. “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies”—or catchin’ somethin’, right? That’s my biochemist brain talkin’—safety first, darlin’!

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But then, I get a text. My buddy’s like, “Let’s hit the beach!” I’m like, “Heck yeah!” So I rush down, but I take a wrong turn on Otesuji Street. I end up in this sketchy alley. I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’m gonna get lost in Kochi.” But then I see this little shop selling matcha ice cream. I can’t resist! I grab a cone, and it’s like heaven.

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