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So, I’m sittin’ here, ponderin’. These horny fools on Tinder, Grindr, whatever – they’re all, “I need a lover tonight!” Like Eli sayin’, “I must be gone and live.” Bro, chill! You ain’t dyin’ – just thirsty! I tried it once, ya know? Set up a profile – “Evil genius seeks minion.” Got a chick who ghosted me after I said, “Lasers or sex?” Pissed me off, man! Wasted my evil time!

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After that, I head over to the Nagai Park. It’s chill there, right? I sit on a bench, munching on some onigiri I picked up. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom. I’m like, “Wow, this is nice.” But then, outta nowhere, a kid runs by, and his soccer ball hits me right in the face! I’m seeing stars, man. I’m like, “What the heck?!” The kid just yells, “Sorry!” and keeps running. Kids these days, no respect!

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