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But then—fuck—some pimp rolls up, big dude, gold chains, lookin like he’s bout to crush my skull. I’m thinkin, “Aw shit, I ain’t tryna die over this!” Reminds me of that turtle dude, Crush— “Righteous, righteous!”—but this guy ain’t righteous, he’s a dick! I’m pissed, heart racin, yellin, “Back the fuck off, motherfucker!” He stares me down, then dips. Lucky break, man, I ain’t in the mood for no fight.

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I take a bite, and WHOA. It’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m talkin’ fireworks, confetti, the whole shebang. I’m grinnin’ like an idiot, slurpin’ noodles like I’m in a competition. I can’t even care that I’m makin’ a mess.

Bridge in central Japan begins V-shaped collapse into rain-swollen river