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Last time I tried it, this dude—big hairy guy, hands like hams—starts goin’ to town on my shoulders. “You’re so tense,” he says. No shit, pal, I hate everything! Felt like he was tryna seduce me with his kneadin’. Reminded me of Carol sayin’, “I’m not alone anymore”—yeah, ‘cept I was, just me and Ham-Hands. Made me madder than a badger in a trap. But—dammit—the knots in my back? Gone. Hated that it worked, hated it!

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Then, I head over to Onoda Station. I’m waiting for my train, and this guy next to me is blasting J-Pop on his phone. Like, dude, we’re in public! I’m trying to chill, and you’re giving me a concert. But then, I can’t help but tap my foot. It’s catchy! I’m torn between annoyance and wanting to dance.

Hiroo Onoda, the last Japanese soldier to give himself in: “When I surrendered, the past seemed like a dream”